The past week or so has been rough. I’m averaging less than five hours of sleep because I spend hours trying to get sad thoughts away at night. I’ve gotten used to eight hours, so now it’s getting hard to deal with five. Don’t know what to do. It’s been more than a year, I only hate myself more. I want a break.
Sometimes I feel like social interaction (friends, love interests) is like a game of cops and robbers where I’m the cop and the people I like are robbers. Except when people avoid me I don’t put on my sirens and pursue them, instead I go home, feel sad and fall asleep listening to N.W.A.’s “Fuck The Police.”
Haven’t been updating my training log lately. I don’t know why, but it just seems pointless. Will be back when I don’t feel like dying in my sleep every day.
The semester is soon beginning, I was hoping I’d start feeling a little better because of that, but lately no, not at all.
For those who don’t know/haven’t read, I’m starting Chinese this fall. If any of you know Chinese, have traveled as vegans to Beijing/other parts of China, let me know.
I’ve been getting quite a few new followers recently, don’t know why. Anyway, if you’re wondering why I’m not “following back,” it’s probably not personal. Probably. I don’t want porn in my feed. I don’t usually follow people whose posts are mostly reblogs. Or you’re just posting stuff I don’t care about at all. Also, if you’re really into your diet (80/10/10, keto, whatever) and how it enables you to be better than everyone, I won’t follow you.
Anonymous said: what do you eat on a day to day basis? im vegatarian but could use some ideas
Note: I do not normally track what I eat anymore. I’m currently just trying to maintain weight, which I find I do if I just eat what I feel like eating. I tracked when I was losing weight, and will again when I decide to lose a little more, but it’s not necessary for me when I’m maintaining. I have however tracked a few times randomly just to check if I’m doing alright in regards to protein, which I always do. I go for 1.5 grams per kg, so 180 grams.
Well now that it’s summer, it’s pretty different from the way I normally eat. I eat breakfast and lunch at work, and I’m limited in my choices, and too lazy/don’t have the time to bring food, so I usually just eat bread and avocado for breakfast and lunch. My protein intake is a little lower now, but I try working around this by drinking more soy milk. Anyway, this is what I ate today:
Breakfast: Five slices of bread, one avocado
Lunch: Six slices of bread, one avocado
After work: 500 grams of strawberries, a liter of soy milk, some nuts
Dinner: 100 grams of rice noodles, 400 grams of vegetarian “minced meat,” a bunch of kale, a liter of chocolate soy milk
I quickly added this together at myfitnesspal, and this equals about 3700 calories, and 180 grams of protein. I normally maintain my 122-125 kg bodyweight at 4000 calories, but now that I’m working on the farm, which is pretty labor intensive most days, I might be close to 4500. I’ll probably drink some more soy milk and have some nuts later this evening.
Good to see my jerk improve. I think I have 120+ in me, I just got to get confident at higher weights. When I was trying 110 the first times, I was pretty nervous, but after waving back up it felt better.
Back squats felt really tough. Next heavy day on the program is 170x5x5, which I’m not sure I’ll be able to do, which means a small reset. That’s ok though, by the time I’ll be back up again I’ll be back in school, and generally a little better off in terms of recovery.